TREEBRANCHES ARE SKY DIVERS

So today I was helping dad cut down a tree in the backyard. I was cutting the last branch off & it was difficult; it was as thick as my shoulder!

Suddenly I hear dad scream my name as I cut the thing off & the branch falls.

On my head.

I now have a lump the size of my big toe on my head with plenty of purple & pink Snapple stitches.*

& of course dad is concerned as a mother lion on grocery shopping day, but WHAT HE SAID BELONGS ON MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS:

"Imagine if the saw blade cut through your throat!"

"Atleast you're not one of those girls forced to poke for land mines!"

"DONT GO TO SLEEP YOULL NEVER WAKE UP THINK AWAKE FOR 24HRS"

Him after I said if I act strange, take me to the hospital: "If you act strange? I wouldn't be able to tell the difference!"

"I SAW MY LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES. I WAS ALL 'OH NO THIS IS IT. MY LAST DAY WITH HER' & I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY EXCEPT STAND THERE & DO NOTHING"

"IT SHOULDA BEEN MEEEEEE! Thanks for taking the hit for me!"

Mom: did the hit make you smarter? Wanna get hit again?


THIS IS WHY MY DAD CANT BE IN FUNERALS



* Snapple stitches would be awsome if it was a real thing. No stitches were wasted. I HAVE A LUMP & A SORE NECK STOP FUCKING WORRYING, WINDY.